a quirk about splurging

I’ve noticed something about myself. And yet, even though I now recognize this in me and should have figured out how to handle it by now, I still do it constantly. (In fact, I’m literally in the middle of this exact quirk as I write this - hence why I’m thinking about it right now.)

Let’s say I decide to splurge a little and buy myself a specific something - a book perhaps. $20 or so. I drive down to the store (or find it online, if my local store doesn’t have it - please support brick and mortar, people).

So there I am, holding the book in my hands at the store or staring at it in my shopping cart online. This is it: the thing I’ve decided to splurge on and buy for myself; the thing I really, really want right now (even if my sudden urge to have it is inexplicable - which it usually is).

But now that it’s right here at my fingertips, ready to be bought, I think, But you know, if I’m going to spend $20, is this really the thing I want the most for that price? 

Notice what happened there: suddenly I’ve decided that I have $20 to spend - it’s no longer splurging at this point; it’s just an extra $20 I’ve magically decided that I have. And I need to make sure I use it on just the right thing.

So I look around the store/website more, think about all the other things I could get for roughly $20. I come up with three, four, five other choices.

Oh, and what about the thing I was looking at last month that was right about $20? - I mean, I wanted it then, so surely I must still want it now. (I don’t.)

Ooh, and what’s this? - the sale section? My magical $20 would go a long way if I bought something from here instead of just that one book at full price. Maybe I could even get two books with my $20.

Well shoot. Now I’m just feeling overwhelmed. Better not buy anything until I’m sure I figure out the best way to use that $20 which totally isn’t fake at all. I’ll just have to research online to make sure I get exactly the right $20ish thing - or set of things, if each is less than $20. I mean, it’d be a waste if I didn’t spend the whole $20.

Mind you, the first thing - the thing that took me to the store in the first place - is still the thing I want the most. It’s just not necessarily the most efficient thing for me to get. Money doesn’t grow on trees, you know - gotta be careful with how we use it.

So I’ll bring Emily into the loop to get her take on it - even though she couldn’t care less what I buy with this imaginary $20. I mean, whatever I choose to buy is for me - what does she have to do with it?

Still, I bring her into my deliberation. And every time, her advice is precisely the same: Just get the thing you really want.

Yes, I wonder. But is that really the best thing to do with my completely real $20?

At this point, my predicament branches off into one of four directions, which I’ll list in order of least likely to most likely:

1. I realize that she’s right - if I’m going to spend money, it should at least be on the thing I want the most, rather than settling for what happens to be cheaper, or what seems like it just “makes the most sense” to buy. This outcome happens about 10% of the time.
2. I suddenly remember that I don’t actually have $20, so I buy nothing. This happens about 20% of the time. 
3. The thought crosses my mind that, really, if I’m going to spend money out of the blue like this, I ought to be nice and buy something for Emily or Emerson or Eden. That said, I get myself nothing, and buy a gift for one of them instead. There are actually two ways to consider the frequency of this outcome: 
1. This thought crosses my mind about 20% of the time. So there’s that.
2. When this thought does cross my mind, though, I know I’ll feel guilty if I don’t spend the money on one of them. And so, if the thought crosses my mind at all, there’s a roughly 95% chance I’m going to follow through with it. (The other 5% being that I decide to do nothing with the hypothetical money.)
4. I go against Emily’s advice and settle on something else cheaper or “more efficient,” even though it’s not the thing I really want, and even though I know I’m just going to stick it on the shelf and not read/play with/listen to it. But hey - it’s efficient, I think. This is the outcome about 50% of the time.

But it’s not that simple. (I imagine you’re thinking, That was simple?) For example, time of year has an impact on the decision making, as well.

Christmas is in three days. So now I’m thinking, I mean, Christmas is right around the corner. I shouldn’t be spending any money on myself. If nothing else, I should at least wait to see what I’m getting from other people. 

I counter this thought with, Easy - I’ll just make sure to get something that no one else would have thought to get me.

My brain is ready to keep debating, though. It says, Come to think of it, I might get some Christmas money or giftcards or something - might as well wait so that I can use those to buy The Thing instead of using this made-up $20.

Then I remind myself, Yes, but I have this $20 now which totally isn’t imaginary or hypothetical at all. So I can buy The Thing now, then use my Christmas money to buy another thing in a few days. 

Then I think, So that means I can buy The Thing I really want, and still get The More Efficient Thing That I Don't Really Want! Perfect! 

Then, Yes, but which should I get first?

So now I’m back to feeling overwhelmed and indecisive.

Oh, but here’s an idea! I think, Maybe I should use this $20 to buy something for Emily or Emerson or Eden instead. 

Then I think, Psh - they’re getting a bunch of stuff for Christmas in a few days anyway. 


Happy Christmas, friends!

When the Government Kidnaps Children

I've been trying for awhile to think about what I want to say about the whole children-being-separated-from-their-parents business. So here it goes: It's despicable. It's despicable that it's happening. It's despicable that so many of these so-called "pro-life" advocates aren't also pro-family. I had rather imagined that "pro-life" and "pro-family" go hand-in-hand. (I'm not talking about ALL pro-life advocates, of course. But you'll notice that every politician who supports these separations are quote-unquote "pro-life.") It's despicable that all the people who kept claiming, "No no! ALL lives matter!" don't actually believe that ALL lives matter. It's despicable that our president has literally, factually lied, saying this policy is leftover from the Obama administration. (Notice that this despicable act never happened under Obama. And if you want an explanation for this, here's a helpful article: https://www.npr.org/2018/06/20/621489166/family-separation-is-trumps-immigration-policy-here-s-why-he-won-t-own-it) It's despicable that Attorney General Jeff Sessions would attempt to defend this despicable act by using - actually misusing - a religious text. Any way you slice it, the Christian scriptures do not support the kidnapping of children by a government. That said, let me tell you a few things that the same religious text actually does say. I don’t say these things to be preachy. I say them to show how heinous it is that this entire ordeal is happening, how heinous it is that Sessions is trying to use a scripture to defend it, and how heinous it is that the political party which people most often associate with Christianity is the political party which is perpetrating these horrific, anti-Christian, anti-American atrocities: But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself (Leviticus 19:34) For the poor shall never cease out of the land: therefore I command thee, saying, Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land. (Deuteronomy 15:11) I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. (Matthew 25:42-45) But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 19:14. One note: in this passage, by "Suffer" it means "Allow" - just in case that's not clear.)
These are just a few of the things that the Christian scriptures actually DO say. It's despicable that anyone would try to tell us otherwise in order to support a despicable political agenda, one which involves our government literally kidnapping children. I've never been so ashamed to be a U.S. citizen. I've never been so ashamed to have even loose associations with Christianity. Wake up, America. You're better than this. At least, you can be. And especially wake up, all you so-called "Christians" who support these despicable acts. You don't worship YHWH. You worship a plot of land.

Noah

I saw this little gem at the store one day:

Specifically, I'd like to draw your attention to the sticker in the bottom-left corner: "Based on the Best-Selling Book of All Time!"

Kind of a bit of a stretch, if you ask me. I mean, I know it's technically true, but...yikes.

I wonder why Darren Aronofsky didn't feel the need to add this sticker to the DVD cover for his movie(?)

Weird.

Apparently his movie is just "SPECTACULAR." So much for giving credit to the source material...

Anyway.

I find it particularly humorous when people complain that Aronofsky's film "isn't like the original."

I wonder: you know how long the "original" story of Noah is, right? It's literally three chapters in the book of Genesis (6, 7, 8) - in other words, right about 1,800 words. That's barely even the length of a modern short story.

So...you think that 1,800 words will turn into a full-length, two-hour movie, and somehow exactly resemble your interpretation of those 1,800 words?

Cute.

If you want the "real" story of Noah, it'd probably be a 10-minute movie. Who would see that?

Then again, people are always complain, saying,

"The movie is nothing like the book!"
"Of course the book is better."
etc. etc. etc.

So I guess I'm not surprised that people don't like Aronofsky's version.

I enjoyed the rock monsters, though. They were a nice touch.

And, to give credit where credit is due, I still like Aronofsky's rendition better than Hallmark's made-for-TV miniseries:

(Again, where is the "Based on the Best-Selling Book of All Time!" sticker? A lost opportunity, to be sure.)

I mean, F. Murray Abraham plays a pirate in that one, so you know it's going to be good.

Personally, I actually rather enjoyed Aronofsky's Noah - heck: I'd even go so far as to say it's better than the book.

Enemies

i had a thought tonight...

at some point, i think we got a little confused about the word "enemy."

today, our enemies seem to be the people we've just...you know: decided we don't like, or that look too different from us, or...i don't even know, really. it's actually rather confusing.

are our enemies the people we hate?
the people who hate us?
are they the people we fear?
the people who've hurt us?
the people we want to hurt?
are they the people we believe are causing some sort of problem or problems in the world?
the people we've just kind of decided that we don't like for some reason - or for no reason at all?

i mean...that's honestly what it feels like. it feels like we just pick some random people/group of people and decide that they're somehow wrong or bad or ugly or responsible or...whatever.

and, frankly, it all feels very, very arbitrary to me.

why should we dislike this or that entire group of people? yeah, there are some duds in there, i'm sure. there are duds in every single group. but isolating an entire group just sounds...

...well, insane. literally.

and here's what i mean, that we seem to have gotten confused about the meaning of the word "enemy" somewhere along the way:

you might remember that Paul talked about enemies, clear back about 2,000 years ago:

"Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink" (Romans 12:20)

so did Jesus, for that matter:

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect." (Matthew 5:43-48)

reading these words, it kind of seems like, back then, an enemy was almost...a friend. i mean, sure, maybe you didn't really like them a whole lot.
but you still treated with kindness and helped them and - heck - even provided for them, if it came down to it. in fact, Jesus commanded us to not only be nice to our enemies, but to actually LOVE them.

nowadays, though, it seems rather like an "enemy" is the person we hate and fear and wish bad things for, and they're the ones we wish would leave "our" country (ha! as if a plot of land "belongs" to anyone).

but...i mean, really now. REALLY: that's not what Jesus and Paul described, is it? really.

so where did the disconnect happen?
when did our enemies change from being people we love into being people we hate?

i don't like it one bit. 😟

the New Normal

Recently, I came across one of those sites full of “Top 10…” lists. In this case, I read the Top 10 Funniest Parenting Tweets, or something like that. I read through them. Sure, a couple of them were funny-ish. Most of them, though, I couldn’t appreciate.

For example, I remember one of them, from a mother: “I can’t wait until my son thinks he’s too cool to be around me so that I can tell all his friends he used to beg to watch me poop.” (It was something very much like this, at least.)

Personally, I have a hard time finding this to be funny. I wonder: why does this mom actually want to embarrass her son?

In fact, if you think about what’s actually happening here, you’ll notice something striking:

She’s not just saying that she’s excited to embarrass him someday in the future. Rather, she’s already using him as the butt of a joke right now.

These parenting tweets and memes and one-liners – which you see absolutely everywhere these days, it seems like – are meant to be jokes, of course. But they’re jokes at the expense of these peoples’ children.

Or how about when you go to the grocery store on Saturday, and you see little Jonny and Daddy in the cereal aisle? – Jonny says something kid-like and illogical. I mean: of course he does. He’s a kid, right?

And Daddy, knowing that other people are around to see how funny he can be, decides that – rather than address Jonny’s question/comment directly, honestly, whatever – he’s going to be sarcastic instead.

Because, you know, sarcasm is funny.

And because, you know, everyone thinks it’s hilarious when a 30-year-old man can outsmart a 4-year-old.

Of course Daddy isn’t really thinking of it this way, but what is this exchange actually saying about Daddy and Jonny’s relationship?

Sadly, I think it says something like this: To Daddy, it’s more important to entertain strangers than it is to support Jonny.

Why would so many parents prefer to get a rise out of people they’ll never see again, rather than take their children’s side?

Why is it worth showing everyone you can that you’re funny/hip/cool at the expense of your children?

Why do we think we have the right to pick on our children, just because they’re “ours”? (– a concept I don’t fully agree with anyway, but that’s a topic for another time…)

When did it become okay to show the world that funniness is more important than kindness in your family?

Sure, it’s nice when you can get other people to think you’re funny. Everyone likes being thought of as humorous.

But from one parent to another, I have a request:

Pick on someone your own size. Find a different way to show us how funny you are without putting down your child.

Remember that, right now, you are your child’s entire world. How you treat them now defines for them what is “normal.” And if there's anyone in the entire world whom it is absolutely vital for your children to be able to rely on more than anyone or anything else, unquestionably it's you.

Do you want your child to think “normal” means picking on people who are defenseless, weaker than you, who rely on you for support and for normality? Do you want them to think "normal" means not being able to count on your loved ones?

Starting right now, let’s show them that, instead, “normal” means love and support and putting our loved ones before ourselves.

That’s the kind of “normal” I want to see in the world.

Norman Rockwell, pt. 2 – or, How an American Painter Who Died Seven Years Before I Was Born Helped Me Realize that I’m Not Entirely Crazy After All

Thanks largely to my friend Randy McCoach, I have a bit of an update on my last post. (Make sure to read it first before proceeding with this one!)

As mentioned previously, I did hours of research over the course of a few days, trying to find any proof of the existence of a musical I believed that I was in when I was much younger. The musical, I believed, was called Norman Rockwell’s America.

Randy read my post, left a kind comment, and set to work. And this is what he discovered:

This clipping was from the July 2, 1993 edition of the San Bernardino County Sun (the county which Yucaipa is in).

Then, just to be extra sure, he did a bit more digging on my behalf, and pulled up one other gem:

Same paper, March 6, 1993 edition.

It turns out that I was wrong about the year – I had guessed ’90 or ’91; the musical actually took place in ’93. Oops. Also, this would mean that I was seven years old at the time of the performance (despite the casting call saying the minimum age was eight – I would have turned eight just a few weeks after the performances, though).

I was half-correct about a few other items, though:

1. I had the name exactly right – Norman Rockwell’s America – as well as the college venue – Crafton Hills College.
2. Crossroads Christian Fellowships of Redlands was the church my family was attending at the time. So yes, my connection to this musical came via church.
3. Though I’m still unsure of where this musical originated (who wrote it, etc.), my impression has strengthened that it was most likely a local affair (as opposed to an actual licensed musical).

Also, happily, it turns out there’s no need for me to scour YouTube in hopes that someone happened to have uploaded an amateur recording of the musical all these years later. In presenting all of this to my mom, she was able to present a VHS of the performance.

Now I just need a VCR (or, I suppose, I could find a company that will transfer it to a DVD for me).

I was happy to hear that I was also correct about the first two scenes that I modeled (The Runaway and Family Home From Vacation). No confirmation on the third scene yet – not until I find a way to watch the video, at least.

All this to say:

I’m glad my memory isn’t always out to lead me astray.

And I guess Alex Mandel is off the hook.

Despite these confirmations, I’m still holding out hopes that I might be a time-traveler, though. Seems like it could be fun.

Norman Rockwell - or, How an American Painter Who Died Seven Years Before I Was Born Is Making Me Doubt Everything I Think I Know About My Past

When I was much younger – 5 or 6 years old, I believe – I was in a musical. It was at a local college – Crafton Hills College in Yucaipa, California – and, of course, I only had a few rather minor roles. The musical must have happened in 1990 or ’91.

I don’t remember now exactly how I came to be involved in the play. I think maybe my parents made some sort of connection through church friends and subsequently got me hooked up with it.

If memory serves, I believe the musical at Crafton was called Norman Rockwell’s America, or something very similar. Every scene started with a still reenactment of one of Norman Rockwell’s paintings. The models would then come to life and act out a full scene revolving around the painting. It was a clever idea, at least.

I was in three such scenes. I didn’t have any speaking roles; all I had to do was hold still for a few minutes before the painting came to life. I also did a small dance in one scene.

If you’re curious, here are the three images I portrayed:

(The Runaway, 1958)

I’m 100% sure that this is one of the three pictures I modelled. 

(Family Home from Vacation, 1930)

Again, I’m 100% sure this is the right image. I remember that I was “sleeping” on some sort of a bench, and that I had a white box with a toy frog seemingly about to escape. I especially remember the frog because the director let me keep it after the show was over. 

(Family Grace, 1938)

I have to say I’m only about 75% sure this is the right image. What I remember is that I was sitting with a family around a dinner table praying. I very clearly remember feeling like it was the most boring of the three. I’d have guessed the family was larger, though, and that there was a turkey involved.

That said, Norman Rockwell has another very famous painting, Freedom From Want, which has a larger family and a turkey. However, they aren’t praying in that image, and, perhaps more notably, there’s no little boy whom I could have portrayed – hence why I think Family Grace is more correct.

I also can remember a few random lines of lyrics from some of the songs:

The main theme must have been called Norman Rockwell’s America, which featured the line,

Norman Rockwell’s America 

– let’s give three cheers for this great nation

One song, I imagine, must be called Gossip, Gossip, or something similar.

Gossip, gossip, mean old thing
Most unhappiness it brings
If you can’t say something nice
Then “don’t talk at all” is my advice
Yes, “don’t talk at all” is my advice

There was also a song called At the Hop, which featured a lot of na’s or la’s or bah’s or something along those lines. This is the song I danced in (and, if I remember correctly, which broke off of the scene based on the painting The Runaway). I believe the main line was

Let’s go to the hop, oh baby, let’s go to the hop

And, of course, there was a song about the Saturday Evening Post (the magazine which debuted many of Norman Rockwell’s paintings), which featured the chorus:

Oh, I love the Saturday Evening Post
It’s the magazine I read the most
I think you will discover
If you look beneath the cover
It is more than any other magazine comes close

No clue why/how I still remember these random lines 25 years later. They just stuck, for some reason.

Anyway.

Just this week, I was thinking about this musical again. Though it was about 25 years ago, I wondered if it was perhaps one of those things that someone recorded at the time then uploaded onto Youtube many years later for nostalgia’s sake, or perhaps to make fun of someone else who was in the musical when they were younger – someone like me, hopefully.

After a bit of searching, I couldn’t find any such video on Youtube. That’s okay; I knew it was a long shot.

Now then. All of the background I just explained is merely a prelude. Here’s where my story gets much more tricky:

Not only could I not find any such video of the musical on Youtube, I actually can’t find any evidence of the play existing at all.

After many hours of searching online, I haven’t been able to find a single scrap suggesting that this musical is even a real thing. Here are all of the interesting/relevant items I have discovered, though:

ONE

There is, in fact, a musical based on the life and work of Norman Rockwell called ROCKWELL. This musical premiered in Vermont in 1992 – at least one year after my musical of memory.

The same musical was then “re-premiered,” so to speak, with the new name Perfect Picture. This re-premier debuted in 2013.

(Interestingly, the full name of the new version is Perfect Picture: …but was all of this real? What a peculiar name for the topic, especially given my current predicament over this memory I am trying to research.)

Also, in addition to the dates not adding up, the track listing shares nothing in common with my musical 25 years ago.

Definitely not related to my musical. 

TWO

Clearly, this approach wasn’t leading me anywhere on my quest to find this illusive musical I was in. I decided that my next step, then, was to work backwards from the music/lyrics that I remembered. And so…

It turns out that At the Hop was actually a famous pop song from 1957 by Danny and the Juniors, which my musical clearly just licensed for the play.

Similarly, Gossip, Gossip is actually entitled, Gossip, Gossip, Evil Thing (not “mean old thing,” as I thought I remembered), and was a calypso song from the 60’s or 70’s by Jester Hairston. It, too, must have simply been licensed for my musical.

Though I can’t find any song entitled Norman Rockwell’s America with the exact line I provided above, I discovered a song called Celebrate America with the line

Celebrate America 

– let’s give three cheers for this great nation

- the only change being “Celebrate” instead of “Norman Rockwell’s.”

This song was written by Mark A. Brymer, but not for the sake of a musical. If this is indeed the same song – and either the words were changed for my musical, or else I’m simply remembering it wrong – then, once again, it must have been licensed. (I can’t seem to find the year Brymer’s song was written/published; it seems to be the right age for the musical, though.)

And, finally, if there’s a song about the Saturday Evening Post magazine, I can’t find any evidence of it online.

*sigh*

Back to searching for the musical itself then, since the music was a dead end.

THREE

Ah, but what’s this?

It turns out there is, in fact, a musical called Norman Rockwell’s America, which was written by Alex Mandel!

At last! This must be it, right?

…there is just one small problem, though:

Alex Mandel’s Norman Rockwell’s America first premiered at the Theatreworks New Works Festival in California in 2014.

Yep: two years ago.

And yet I was in a musical called Norman Rockwell’s America about 25 years ago.

All this to say, here are the options I have come to:

1. Alex Mandel is a plagiarizer, but somehow successfully erased all traces of the play he plagiarized. How very sneaky of him.
2. The musical I was in was simply some locally-written affair. (Maybe a college student’s assignment? – it was performed at a community college, after all.)
3. I’m really bad at researching things online and have misunderstood everything I’ve discovered and just don’t know the right places to look for the information I need.
4. I’m a time traveler and just don’t realize it.
5. My memory is simply playing tricks on me yet again.

Personally, I’m leaning towards some sort of mixture of #’s 2, 3, and 5.

I’m kind of hoping it’s # 4, though.