the New Normal

Recently, I came across one of those sites full of “Top 10…” lists. In this case, I read the Top 10 Funniest Parenting Tweets, or something like that. I read through them. Sure, a couple of them were funny-ish. Most of them, though, I couldn’t appreciate.

For example, I remember one of them, from a mother: “I can’t wait until my son thinks he’s too cool to be around me so that I can tell all his friends he used to beg to watch me poop.” (It was something very much like this, at least.)

Personally, I have a hard time finding this to be funny. I wonder: why does this mom actually want to embarrass her son?

In fact, if you think about what’s actually happening here, you’ll notice something striking:

She’s not just saying that she’s excited to embarrass him someday in the future. Rather, she’s already using him as the butt of a joke right now.

These parenting tweets and memes and one-liners – which you see absolutely everywhere these days, it seems like – are meant to be jokes, of course. But they’re jokes at the expense of these peoples’ children.

Or how about when you go to the grocery store on Saturday, and you see little Jonny and Daddy in the cereal aisle? – Jonny says something kid-like and illogical. I mean: of course he does. He’s a kid, right?

And Daddy, knowing that other people are around to see how funny he can be, decides that – rather than address Jonny’s question/comment directly, honestly, whatever – he’s going to be sarcastic instead.

Because, you know, sarcasm is funny.

And because, you know, everyone thinks it’s hilarious when a 30-year-old man can outsmart a 4-year-old.

Of course Daddy isn’t really thinking of it this way, but what is this exchange actually saying about Daddy and Jonny’s relationship?

Sadly, I think it says something like this: To Daddy, it’s more important to entertain strangers than it is to support Jonny.

Why would so many parents prefer to get a rise out of people they’ll never see again, rather than take their children’s side?

Why is it worth showing everyone you can that you’re funny/hip/cool at the expense of your children?

Why do we think we have the right to pick on our children, just because they’re “ours”? (– a concept I don’t fully agree with anyway, but that’s a topic for another time…)

When did it become okay to show the world that funniness is more important than kindness in your family?

Sure, it’s nice when you can get other people to think you’re funny. Everyone likes being thought of as humorous.

But from one parent to another, I have a request:

Pick on someone your own size. Find a different way to show us how funny you are without putting down your child.

Remember that, right now, you are your child’s entire world. How you treat them now defines for them what is “normal.” And if there's anyone in the entire world whom it is absolutely vital for your children to be able to rely on more than anyone or anything else, unquestionably it's you.

Do you want your child to think “normal” means picking on people who are defenseless, weaker than you, who rely on you for support and for normality? Do you want them to think "normal" means not being able to count on your loved ones?

Starting right now, let’s show them that, instead, “normal” means love and support and putting our loved ones before ourselves.

That’s the kind of “normal” I want to see in the world.